How Do You Handle Setbacks?
Every flesh and blood(you & i) encounter adversities, disappointments, heartbreaks, and failures from family members, friends, lovers, and work colleagues. Heck, even from strangers! they say the world is now a global village since the advent of social media.
Recently, I walked in on a colleague at the pantry
it was lunch hour, but before that day I’d been noticing her demeanor, she’s been quite sluggish, just to herself, talks less, and just steps in and out she go when work is over. (aside from the sluggishness and talking only when necessary, I just painted a picture of me on a normal working day) I digress there.
She sat on one of the two high stools in the pantry, I sat beside her and we got along discussing. I knew all wasn’t well with her but she wouldn’t let it out. For a sec, I thought maybe she’d read this post of mine and decided my noble gestures(as it has always been) will hit a roadblock this time around.
Realizing nothing was going to get her into talking — yet feeling mildly tipsy, I quickly took the last sip of my extremely dark looking Expresso (with no sugar & milk) and was about to walk away when she pulled me back, after a deep breath,
How do you handle failures?
She asked…
Taken aback and of cause, I understood she wasn’t in the right frame of mind to share with me what she was going through. To an extent, I felt related to her, because that’s part of how I handle setbacks. The only difference is, you’d barely notice I am going through rough times (we’ll get into details of that in a minute). Okay enough of me for now.
So I proceeded to answer how I’d typically handle such difficult situations. By the time I was done talking, she had this stunned facial look on. “You have the persona of an Avant-Grade”
Sounds French, you speak French now? I inquired
She smirked and gestured,
You’re not normal
In case you’re wondering who an Avant-Garde is, Merriam-Webster defined it as an intelligentsia (intellectuals who form an artistic, social, or political vanguard or elite) that develops new or experimental concepts, especially in the world of arts.
Flattered. That was the feeling I had after a quick check. What was it I said to her that hallucinated such flattery description? I’ll let you In on that shortly after rounding up on her story.
I inquired why she’d come up with such a flattery description,
I wasn’t expecting all that you said, maybe it’s you, but I’ve never thought about such before. Don’t think I can weigh such, she replied
She continued…
I kind of expected to hear you say one or all of the following
“A problem shared is half solved”
“If I have gone to see a therapist and have a talk session
“Open space to let it all out” etc
All the above she told me she’s been doing and seeing tangible results.
That’s fine, I told her. Different strokes for different folks. But she wouldn’t stop giving me some obvious puzzling stare.
I guess with time you should get better. I know you will, I said to her calmly.
She finally confided in me what has been bugging her but you aren’t expecting me to tell you right? Of cause I wouldn’t for two major reasons, firstly, It’s going to be unfair and her privacy breach, and secondly, this post isn’t about her struggles but rather, how different we are in handling hard times in our unique ways and speaking of which I explained to her how I go about handling mine which I find to be quite
Straight-forward yet unpopular way In handling setbacks
At some point I once thought I was the only person using this process to get through difficult times not until I bumped into this fellow on Twitter.
He put the exact process better in words, have a look
Straight forward, right? perhaps you might be wondering if it’s possible or if it truly works but I’d say this to you and it’s a personal principle I live by;
It’s okay to cry if that’s how you feel like. I mean, tears are inside of us for a reason, why not put It to use whenever it feels like?
It’s also okay to completely feel all your feelings. The good and the not-so-good. Feel it to the core and express it the way you want.
It’s okay to also vent if that makes you feel better.
Whatever makes you feel better, you go for it, but unfortunately for me or should I say, fortunately?
Before indulging in any activity, I always ask myself this:
The event that lead to me feeling the way I am currently, if I hit on myself or curse myself or indulge in whatever people do “just to feel better” will it reverse the event? My answers always differ depending on the event and I act accordingly.
For me, it’s more than just feelings. For me it’s more about without numbing anything, move on as fast as possible.
I don’t know about your process, might be similar or entirely different. Perhaps you might be kind enough to share.
