Three Type Of People & How To Establish Trustworthy Inter-Personal Relationships
There have been numerous classifications of personalities based on diverse human traits such as behavioral patterns, gender, gene, etc. however, this classification you’re about to find out as you’ll soon see is based on people/social skill. Not just that, but how you might be screwing up potentially awesome connections/relationships unknowingly. But Before I proceed further, it’s important you have this reminder that
what you’re about to discover is a personal opinion arrived at through real-life experience. Not to be used for selfish purposes nor any emotional harm on anyone. Also, if you take things too seriously and easily pick offense. Not open-minded enough to sample other opinions different from yours, it’s only fair I implore you to stop reading at this point.
Alright alright. Let’s get things rolling…
I was on my phone and Twitter happens to be my favorite social media so I’m mostly there whenever I decide it’s time to surf the net and get info directly from sources.
I follow quite a few interesting figures on there. Most are online marketers/brands. Others, vet. Investors, Saas owners, founders, coaches, etc. majority are anonymous
while others’ identities are known. You might be wondering why all this info? Well, a tweet from one of them is the major inspiration behind this post.
I was scrolling my timeline and caught a post by a semi-anonymous account. I said so because his identity isn’t completely known. A practicing medical doctor. An American of Arab descent.
Migrated to the middle east where he’s practicing his trade. He put out a pretty interesting tweet. Have a look
If the screenshot didn’t load on your end, here is the quote
“Some dudes got that gift where everyone they meet will confide & tell them their secrets within an hour of meeting them.
Dangerous dudes.
I was always the exact opposite. Nobody ever tells me shit. At least ppl try to bring out their best around me.
Different roles in life”
This caught my attention. I took a pause and thought about it for a minute. I felt he left one personality trait out that’d balance it off. The stack opposite of the two personalities he highlighted. People who can barely get people telling them their secrets nor make people feel completely themselves around them. Bland. (more on this shortly)
But the reason behind this post was after thinking about the personality I could potentially fall into and how I arrived at it. I realized it pointed towards getting people to confide in me. In his post, he wrote such people get it done within an hour, now, that might seem exaggerated but who knows, there just might be people out there that skilled.
For me, I realized all the people around me confide in me their innermost and darkest secrets with time. Could take a week or less. However, they wouldn’t do so if the right environment wasn’t created in the first place.
Not just that but also, a rule of thumb and other factors I always have in mind when dealing with people.
And that environment, factors & rule of thumb is what I’d get into shortly and also, how to establish a trustworthy inter-personal relationship, however, it sounds just right to bring this up again to be sure you’re the right fit for this. That
what you’re about to discover is a personal opinion arrived at through real-life experience. Not to be used for selfish purposes nor any emotional harm on anyone. Also, if you take things too seriously and easily pick offense. Not open-minded enough to sample other opinions different from yours, it’s only fair I implore you to stop reading at this point.
Still with me? It means you have an open-mind and we just might get along in real life too :) I strongly believe so. Moving on. Firstly, It’s important to realize that
It’s A Selfish World
Let me make a few suggestions while you be the judge. Before the suggestions, I want you to do something for me. You’re going to assume the role of an outlier. For some it comes naturally, however, it doesn’t mean it can’t be learned through practice.
An outlier in the sense that your awareness is at a level where you pay attention to things that’d ordinarily be overlooked by the vast majority.
The suggestions:
Have a good look around your environment, maybe that could be far too reaching. Have an honest look at yourself. These days all you see and hear people talk about is “self-love” (which I personally think is fantastic and have absolutely nothing against for its essence) and I mean, taking good care of yourself and putting yourself first. This is where thinking as an outlier has its limit.
I say so because here lies the one move that could possibly alter the tide of things for or against you.
Let me explain:
Remember you’re still in the role of an outlier? Good. now think about this. Imagine a situation where everyone starts putting themselves first. Always about what they can get. “I deserve this or that if not, back off”. Everyone wants to be on the receiving end. All receivers. Givers? dwindling. Everything must be about them. I’m sure you get the picture. Where everyone just wants to talk about themselves. Everyone wants to be heard.
But as an outlier, you figured this out already, so you withdraw and let them. Be the listener. Speak less about yourself. Make it about THEM. Not you. And you do this not “because”. You do it because you genuinely want people around you to feel their best, safe, and heard.
The upside to this is, you become a trusted and reliable person people want to rest on. The bigger person and this might seem like a weight to carry but the comfort comes from knowing you’re cherished by the people around you and not just that, the law of reciprocity mostly end up taking place.
You begin to inspire a new side in people. If you get to do this to an average of let’s say, 50 people. And 20 acknowledge the difference you make. They’d hold you in high esteem and these are the people that are worth your most time and energy. It doesn’t mean the rest 30 are bad. It’s just their personality. But now you know how best to relate with them without losing your sanity.
This little attention to detail to spot what’s majorly obtainable but reasonably doing the opposite. The possibilities will leave you stunned.
The Rule Of Thumb
Everyone is fucked. We’re all messed up in so many ways. Some by our individual experience, others, just our person that if the world gets to have a glimpse of our ordeals, deeds, dark sides. We just might end up having no friends or self-image — damaged.
It’s that deep. Humans like the feeling of righteousness. We want to be perceived that way. So we’d do everything necessary to maintain our innocence.
We’d rather shield stuff to our grave than share it with just anyone. We’d share with a handful who’ve demonstrated their openness and genuine understanding to without bias, prejudice, and judgment, alter our self-image after listening to our deepest secrets.
Now picture all what you just read. See it as an environment. One that will maintain that much-treasured feeling of righteousness humans crave. When such a mood is established. When you get people into such euphoria AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT. because you’d never make them regret nor ever use it against them at any given circumstance.
Make no mistake, this doesn’t translate you’re the “garbage in, garbage out” person with no morals but rather, completely fixing yourself in the shoes of people. You see things from their own perspective. Not yours.
creating the environment
- You acknowledge how unfair the world is
- You acknowledge how fucked we(humans) all are.
- We all have secrets that if the world has a glimpse of it. They might go bunkers hiding under the notion of self-righteousness. So we fear being judged hence we keep it close to our chest.
More:
- And sometimes, depending on the conversation. At first, everyone will hold things back. But if you demonstrate your trustworthiness by being ready to accept whatever outcome it might be. Let out a little of yours. It breaks the ice. It could get your image altered but ultimately inspire the other person to reciprocate. We all want to get closer and be free with who we can relate to in some way.
They’d feel less judged. Now pay close attention to how they suddenly start talking.
How To Establish A Trustworthy Inter-Personal Relationship
Well, this works very well with people we are already close to. Could this also be applicable to people you just met? Maybe. What I also realized is, when we meet people for the first time, the earlier you start out with things you both have a common interest in, the better opportunity it creates for the connection to grow.
Most people get this wrongly. They lose out on potentially amazing connections clouded with things they’d not tolerate in the other person more.
Now imagine you just met a lady. Kick off a conversation. Solely focused on things you get turned off by. Remember she’s just a stranger that knows jack shit about you.
It rarely ends well. Close to zero meaningful interpersonal relationships can thrive with such a beginning. And make no mistake about it, it doesn’t mean your personal boundaries are buried but rather establishing a rare opportunity to weigh things properly and make a well-rounded decision on the balance of both sides of the coin.
And this isn’t just about intimate relationships. It encompasses all forms of interpersonal relationships.
If you get to start out establishing a common ground with the other party. This will even things up and present the rare opportunity to make ushering in the other side of things more acceptable or not. Either way. There’s now a common ground that something can be built thereon in tandem to the level of the established common ground.
